Wednesday, 3 August 2016

This is entertainment.....



Funny fact is... entertainment ain't even entertaining... you sit up late nights hoping and wishing for someone... anyone... to give a damn... but truth is... they couldn't give two shits about you... why should they? Haha better question... why would they...
After all this shit nobody gives a fuck, you can't turn to anyone who can help you, because... why should they? The people you depend on, you can't, the people you wanna depend on, you wanna hope you can, and the people you need most... well it's not exactly the same angle for them... Unhappiness is described by basically being pathetic... you know you're pathetic, and you don't wanna be pathetic... but everyone knows you're pathetic... so you try to show you're not... which makes you... Haha well pathetic...
I figured out that, you can't trust nobody, and you can't depend on anybody... nobody loves you, nobody cares for you, and of course, nobody wants to be your friend.
I started out in this industry... clean cut average kid... nothing to shameless... until I became shameless... little by little... you start losing yourself to an eternal madness... I wanna make it... I will do whatever it takes... and you do exactly that... nothing is ever to degrading for you... because nothing will stop you because... well... you'll do whatever it takes. Then finally, it happens, somebody wants to help you, and you start realizing that... they are for real... they give a fuck about you, and they actually care about your music, and your talent, and... can it be!!! Am I... gonna live my dream??!
Funny how that starts to fade... because you start to now lose focus... not because you are living the dream... but... the simple reason is... the people you are putting your career on the line with... the people who said that they care about your talent... the label that signed you for WHO YOU ARE... are now changing everything about you... because what they signed you for... wasn't because of you... but it's because they want a poster child... and this poster child... doesn't sound like YOU...
So you start doing what they tell you, change because... it will get better, and it will all be okay... drugs... that's nothing new to me... stopping was something that was new to me... so you start faking that you quit because... that's what the label wants you to do, and of course... you won't let that shit stop you...
Then your life starts falling apart... because well... life has already thrown you a curve ball by taking away who you are in music, so just to make things even better, it starts taking away your personal life...
Your girlfriend cheats on you... because... You're barely there anymore... and the reason you're barely there is because... you're running around doing shit for your "Career"... so you start taking hits from that... then your family life becomes fucked up... your mom doesn't see her son that she raised anymore... your father... he can't believe that this is what his son is... a worthless nothing...
You ignore the family shit, and then depression hits... because of your girlfriend running off with somebody else... making you realize you are pathetic... and you try to talk to the people you thought cared... your label manager... but really... they only console you by telling you about how much girls you gonna fuck in the future... so you start taking more drugs... a lot of drugs... mixing it with a lot of alcohol... smoking packs of cigerettes. Your label finds out about this... Haha and the best ultimatum is... get clean or we report this to the authorities... Haha so you either be unhappy without the shit that makes you semi-happy... or be unhappy being fucked in the ass by Bob who was convicted with a double homicide and rape... so you choose faking the whole sober and being clean for everyone... that's easy... all you do is... just don't take a hit of coke in front of them anymore... sneak vodka into your water bottles... because hell... they ain't even paying attention in the first place... do your job... then go home... and then take out your 5 grams of coke all nicely tugged away in your bedside closet dresser... hidden behind the ever so nicely packed row of alcohol bottles... that have already been drank... sit there alone in your dark room and realize... you are pathetic... and you ponder ways on how to be more pathetic... because... who gives a shit right?
Next day comes and you're out of smokes... so you go out and buy smokes and of course... another 5 bags of coke... and a 12 pack of beer... Yeah this should last me... yeah... it should be able to last me... until then...
You take it home and start pondering about being an alcoholic... why are you an alcoholic... because you're pathetic... why are you pathetic... because you're lonely... and then wonder about your drug habit, while you splash another heeping amount of coke onto your plate and say to yourself... I'm a drug addict... why are you a drug addict... because you're pathetic... and why are you pathetic... Haha because you're a lonely alcoholic...
Time passes... you smoking one cigarette after the other, chopping a line after another, and chugging down alcohol to get rid of that awful backdrop taste you get when you snort that perfectly great line that you just cut up for yourself on the plate... and by the time you reach your last smoke... of your third box... and had your last line of all 5 bags of coke you bought... and when that last beer is done... of that 12 pack... you realize what the time is... it's midday... and from 9am to that midday time of 1pm that afternoon... you pat yourself on the back and say to yourself... well done man you made your deadline... you finished all of this right on the scheduled time you said to yourself this morning... so... it's that time to go and restock back up... because... you're pathetic...
Reason for why you're pathetic... is simple... you just called up your dealer... and realize... somebody does care about me... how could I have been so stupid... somebody does give a shit about my pathetic waste of a life... and if I ever had to disappear... they would realize i'm gone... you check your phone again... at your dialled numbers you called, and as tears are nearly forming around your eyes you quietly say to yourself... somebody does care about me... and that person is my dealer... because he's giving you an extra bag of coke... on the house... yes somebody does care and it's my dealer... Funny, you wanna burst into tears because you have reached a whole new level of pathetic... because... you have just realised... the only person who cares about you is your dealer... because he gave you an extra bag of coke for the day...
Entertainment is funny... funny thing is... I fucking hate entertainment now...

Catch FDL performing live at the "Forever E.P." launch hosted by DJ Rendy in Brooklyn (Pretoria)!

TnT artist FDL will be once again performing at the next installment of  DJ Rendy's  Forever EP launch. This leg of the launch will...